I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
