im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
