I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
