ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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