i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
