whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
