i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
