he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
