I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
