Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
