Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
