I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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