Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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