when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
