I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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