I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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