Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
