That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
