If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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