a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
