you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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