I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
