My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
