Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
