Where is the hickey?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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