Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
