You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
