yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
