it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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