did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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