Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
