I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
