yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
