I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
