no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
