FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
