I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
