We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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