She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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