We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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