When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
be right there i have to get my cape
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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