lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
