dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
