Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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