I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
