I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
