how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
