We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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