This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
