I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
