Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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